Dupont Circle Burger Wars: A Burgerball Fight Survival Guide

The burger wars are coming. The opening volley comes next month when Shake Shack opens just south of Dupont Circle, directly challenging its northern burger brethren Five Guys, BGR The Burger Joint and Johnny Rockets. And if Bobby Flay's burger place happens as planned and Rogue States re-opens, we'll have a full-fledged war on our hands. It's only fitting that the middle ground would be Dupont Circle itself, site of DC's epic Snowpocalypse snowball fights. So, being Burger Week and all, we embarked on a serious task to help us all prepare for the upcoming battle: We had a burgerball fight.

We bought burgers from the three existing burger places just north of the circle and scientifically assessed them according to packing ability, aerodynamics and the ever-important mess factor. With a target (aka your Eater editor) standing 14 feet away from our burger-hurler, we measured just how far each burger traveled and how epically it splattered. Should you ever find yourself in need of a burger to hurl at a foe, let this be your guide.

BGR The Burger Joint

[R. Lopez, 4/27]

Packing Ability: The BGR bun broke very easily in packing, making it a difficult burgerball to shape.
Aerodynamics: This burgerball didn't make it all the way to the target. The lettuce only made it 11 feet, while the top of the bun traveled 13 feet. The rest of the burger, however, not only made it all the way, but the meat and the tomato exceeded the target by several feet.
Mess Factor: The mess was negligible, despite a direct hit.

Johnny Rockets

[R. Lopez, 4/27]

Packing Ability: Our expert burgerball thrower found the Johnny Rockets burger had the kind of dense structural integrity that made it great for packing.
Aerodynamics: Minus some sauce that dripped at 7.5 feet, this burgerball made it all the way to the target and was a solid blow to boot. Dense burger indeed.
Mess Factor: The splatter on the target's poncho showed that this burgerball knows how to leave its mark.

Five Guys

[R. Lopez, 4/27]

Packing Ability: Though the Five Guys burger was initially a bad pack—we didn't think the bread was going to stick together—the double meat burger broke in half faster and required much less thumb work from our burger tosser.
Aerodynamics: Again, this burgerball made it the entire 14 feet, while some elements bounced off the target to travel an additional 17.5-19 feet.
Mess Factor: Relatively messy.

After running the data, your team of burger scientists has reached the conclusion that your best bet for the Burger Wars would be the Johnny Rockets burger. It's dense, which means it packs well and provides for a hard hit—but definitely not a clean hit. And the mess is more fun.

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