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The SCOTUS Cafeteria Is Now Serving (Terrible) Pizza, Thanks to Brett Kavanaugh

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The junior justice sits on the Supreme Court’s cafeteria committee

Dr. Christine Blasey Ford And Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh Testify To Senate Judiciary Committee
This is the face of a prolific pizza eater
Win McNamee/Getty Images

In his capacity as the junior member of the Supreme Court, Brett Kavanaugh has tweaked the menu at the cafeteria that feeds the highest judicial body in the land. Surprisingly, this is not a story about beer.

As he promised last year, Kavanaugh has brought pizza to the high court. According to a couple of enterprising D.C. reporters, it is very bad pizza.

Roll Call writer Clyde McGrady sampled the personal pan pies after a 25-minute wait in line at the publicly accessible dining room. He ranked it as, “just below Pizza Hut and just above the average gas station offering.”

“The crust is slightly burnt around the edges where the cheese bubbles,” McGrady writes. “The pepperonis are large, oily and plentiful, so no complaints there.”

Washington Post food columnist Tim Carman recently sampled two of the pizzas, priced from $6.50 to $8, and described the premade pies as relics of a time when Kavanaugh, “Squee,” and their boarding school buddies were running amok in Ocean City:

“The sweet pizza sauce with its snootful of dried oregano. The shredded mozzarella that melts into a jaundiced goo. The browned and slight charred edges, which you lift to reveal an undercarriage as soft as cookie dough.”

Last fall, Kavanaugh angrily skated through confirmation hearings in the Republican-led Senate despite testimony from Dr. Christine Blasey Ford that he sexually assaulted her when they were in high school. After that, a former classmate at Yale accused Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct. He has denied his accusers’ claims.

Kavanaugh’s appointment formed a conservative majority in the Supreme Court. For many, serving crappy pizza will likely be the least offensive thing he does with his position.